Supper

It's almost time for supper, in the nursing home.  I posted about our Kentucky Derby on my Facebook, today.

Me Singing

Old Man River

View on Vocaroo >>

Why People Like Classical Music

It is like the world of wonder of a child ... CHILD HOOD'S TOY LAND ... END LESS JOY LAND ?

I recorded this:

Hunger Quelled

I don't feel as hungry as usual.

Takeout | "Chinese"

It's busy dinnertime.  I'm not all Chinese so shouldn't apply.

Posting Online

When I post on social media or a forum, it's not that I get tired of posting, I run out of people to talk to.

Responsibility

I feel responsible for where I live, like I'm "not a kid anymore" not living with my parents or something.

Savings

I have a good number of savings to play with.

Savings 1 - Regular

Savings 2 - Things I Need

Savings 3 - Extra Expenses

Savings 4 - Grand Savings

Money

I have 4 savings accounts and 2 checking accounts, at Huntington Bank and an account at Key Bank, the Ohio bank.

1 checking account is the main one for bills to come out and stuff maybe or the other for random things.

1 savings is regular.  Savings 2 is for things like rent allowed to pay late.  Savings 3 is for things I might use if I want.  Savings 4 is for big savings.  If I get one more it'll be for more big savings but not the grand savings.

Being Attractive

You have to be really attractive if you're born around 1984 or 1983.

College Online

Certificate in Commercial Music @ Liberty University in Violin

It might only take 2 semester time.  The courses are 8 weeks.  8 months total.  A little over 1/2 year.

School Lunches

I'm watching a video of school lunches by the decade, and 1960/s was pizza and 1980/s was chicken nuggets, 1970/s hamburger.  Apple juice with pizza, soda with burger.

Question for "Baby Boomer" Women

Do you care if younger people complained about high school?

A Find

They said in prison, malnutrition causes mental disorders.

Why if I find something do people say it can't be because I'm not all White and others can?

College

Liberty University

Commercial Music - Bachelor (of Science?)

Violin? (if I stay, otherwise, I know another modern music college with it?...)

Online College

Whites Around Non-Whites

White people like being around non-Whites because it's a chance to open up and not feel so tested about how White they look by other Whites.

Prisoners Are Mentally Sane Sometimes/Often

So, prisoners aren't treated like they are mentally ill.

Weird

People with mental illnesses when institutionalized and adults are not treated much better than prisoners?

"In prison cells-"

Are people counting on me to be a prisoner?

Degrees Online

The main college degrees online that are for more money seem to be more business degrees.

How is it?

Is it about what your parents seem like or how you turn out?

Question

If this childhood thing is about my possible children, then why ruin my career?

Dream

I was like in a place where it was half one thing half another, like a car and building.  It was like Emma Kok was singing, a young girl who sings with Andre Rieu, at least now, solo, and not much in a group or among others.  My mom was there and talking and her voice turned more smooth Dutch.  I'm used to hearing it and can't repeat it.  She used to reprimand me not to mimic her when I was like 3, 4, or 5.  So, I think it was "12 Days of Christmas" we were going through.  I think she was getting upset and I was getting annoyed.  She drove me to a building like for a library or where people come together to do business or something and there were stairs and a 2nd lofted floor that wasn't too small.  I kept cursing before, using the "n" word and whoever and whatever popped in my mind.  I kept saying leave me alone, as a complex number was about where people were watching and helping against me, though they all seemed to feel sorry for me.  After awhile, no sound would come out.  Some kind of police type men took my cell phone upon suggestion, and the ladies were mad at my mom for it.  I said they could watch me use it and I want to see the orchestra.  Before, the site wasn't working and it was asked is it always this complicated.  One little African American or "Black" man said I was under arrest, but he was small kinda like a leprechaun after awhile, too.  They said my mom must have some problem being so short.  Finally, I was so mad I fell back on a short bookshelf and it fell.  Some of this dream was interesting in feel, I was just saying stuff like, "Leave me alone!" in a windy sorta voice like shouting.  Lots of people were surrounding kinda, maybe like 10 spread out, a lot of rather obese but nice women.  It was pretty long, mostly about what was wrong with me and me trying to shout to leave me alone after I had been cursing to my mom's anger.  She kept talking back constantly in this dream.

Dream

It's hard to remember how it started out.

I met the coach or saw him, I guess it was like it was Andre Rieu but looked different.

So, there were classes and I finally was to pick one.  There may have been a few on a board.  I was also to play basketball and it was big and he looked different or like he was someone else and he was also that coach.  He didn't teach all the classes.  So, lingering, I guess if you look hard enough for your dreams and remember it's there it won't go away without your catching it more.  So, the class I got on this electric old board was "The Waltz."  There was some message too about it.  I didn't get to go in this dream.  I did play basketball, and the ball was so big and hard to throw in my sleep, you know?  It started out maybe I was late or something but maybe not maybe just on time and I put on my backpack guess didn't get it in a locker and didn't want it stolen.  Didn't know about the lockers.  The coach was looking like he should be short, thin, and good looking but bald for basketball and then like what should he be tall to be a music teacher.  So, I made some passes.  I remember practice we were in line to shoot and I took long like at a festival game though trying to position.  The ball maybe seemed to get bigger and heavier or at least harder for me and in the end it was so hard to move.  I made more passes.  There may have been something about the music or performing like a recital in a big room is the feel, but I dunno.  I really wanted to do the music, but all I did was basketball with the music people.  I remember the team members now.  Many were obese and big and kinda tall, boys I think mostly or all.  Some had cute features to make them feel good, and I was thinking I don't do it to conform but because I want to, no end or maybe point.  Like their thumb/s or fingers.  I did actually throw the ball in my dreams like the only one and always a pass and no one ever got it.  It was hard, like a warbling environment.  It must have been hard to concentrate.  I was thinking and yearning for the music, eager to see the people and teacher of course.  It wasn't like I was in his orchestra, and the people were different.  It was more like a school in a way and there may have been 3 teachers and maybe they did different things maybe not.  They didn't seem like much of comrades, though.  The "orchestra" and basketball team was all young people like we were in high school but maybe not I, ageless.  I think the basketball was big and blue.  The basketball was for our well-being and exercise and I guess so violence would not "break out."  There certainly was different tension but lots of "team spirit."  It's like we were sane but uptight.  It was a bit.  Of course it was all in anticipation for Andre Rieu at least secretly with me more.  It still didn't change things.  So, I didn't want to wake up from this dream.  I have a feeling of a dong dong, dong dong, as I look back and hear something now, guitar music on TV, and I wake up and sleep, wake up and sleep, like it's time.

Remember a better world?

Remember, bad Italians etc. think I don't get to have fun.

Well!

The people monitoring me in private can't act in place of others I like.

Counting Money

I have nothing better to do than count money.

Shit!

I was feeling really crappy and went to take a shit and feel much better, now.

If I landed...

If I had a fancy house, I would have it beautifully light slightly bluish green with gold shiny borders.  I'm ready to take this world into its future!

Happy Content?

😭  Do you go home every day and come back refreshed and 100% perfect in life?  When you come here for the shits and giggles and have a good time, on film|boards.

The Social World is Hibernating

The world used to be more social.  Now, everyone does their thing in private.  Like, memes and cliches.  Like, things that you'd find'd be a big deal, like logical things you conclude.

Teenagers and Young Adults

I noticed teenagers and young adults in the mid 1990s or something would get upset at me, like if they do something and you don't give a friendly reaction.  I would just feel embarrassed, on the spot but then look shy.  Still, you'd be treated like you're bad, like "trash."  They act like you're not cool and they all keep doing these things.  They're all mad at Mommy and Daddy issues to kids, even good ones.  Bad kids seem to get away with it, sometimes.  I mean kids when I was younger, like maybe 12 I 1998? and older.

Frozen "Dinners"

I just watched a YouTube video on frozen dinners.

I thought frozen dinners that were worth it would be things good frozen but fun like chicken nuggets with fries and a dessert.

It makes sense to sell emergency food for emergencies.  The video opens saying it's an alternative to saying, negatively, "take out" from restaurants or something.  Well, I was thinking of being a stay at home mom, but I'd get tired from staying home too possibly since I'm not used to it.  I just can't do this the way I want.

Germany and Music

I had a somewhat good somewhat strange dream.

First it was about music and Germany, Tim Burton is a good French style artist, but whatever he did was handled sloppily and suddenly it was all about art and England which wasn't supposed to like stop Germany.

My dream started with me in school giving a piano recital that was decent but not my best.  This pretty flute player I saw Up North was in with the in crowd.  It turned into an animation, as I saw, after they went deep down to a sub like 40 floors into the earth, some big fat Italian pizza cartoon men whipped up cans of biscuits and used it to make sandwiches of some sort.  They had to eat, so make it cheap.  The train/s came.  There was a mouse working on it, gray, and it was so horrific its tail tied itself to the rail and it whipped around dead on the wheel!  Etc.  It kept repeating how people need to eat and they make it cheap.  It was the fuel for the duel, so-to-speak.  They looked at the passengers.  The mouse suffered.  In the end, I was welcome to a sweatshirt and part time job and to play violin in a group someday.  There was another private message I think meaning someday things would be better but today maybe would stay the same.  It sounds like what it's like for kids today.  Kids today don't fit in at all and are scrambling to fit in.

Behavior

I have strict rules of behavior I am sometimes solely rewarded for, while Barb and Joni don't.

Still

It may not be necessary but more or less still my business.  Maybe my whole life is a joke.  She's already like that.

Joni

Joni seems to get it just for having light hair.  I don't know if she's in my business because they lie.  Anyway, they think she's humble, really.  Go talk to her and stop ruining my life.

And..

It seems like it's taking too long whatever we are looking forward to.

I guess.

I guess people just don't like me and won't leave me alone, tho.

Hm.

If it's all about Joni getting with a boy like marrying then why is she such a big deal to everyone else who turns her down? if they do.

Hm.

I found Irish was Germanic?

Hm, well.

The Dutch will show interested in Germany when not me even if people disagree with something fishy about them that only they can share.

Well

What about Asians and mixed Asians who are ready to talk?

Staying in Shape

Do some people stay in shape by talking?

Hm..

What if it's not America? so much.

I want to move.

Somewhere without natural disasters so much.  Maybe in June.

Hm..

It's not an emergency if someone gets something someone else doesn't get.  I'm watching something on TV.

"That's what I heard."

I said the food was a problem and they know I'm 1/2 Asian.  They didn't use their authority to make sure I'm okay or the kitchen didn't listen well or it's still bad.  Cleveland is afraid to say anything, thinks it has a shot at being Far North.

Hm..

There are lots of things to do in life not stuck in one room without enough food.

and

Germany won't do "it."

Germans

Well, I'm not as interested in the U.S.

Hm.

Germans might be disconnected from France like England.

I found something else in this feeling.

Why is Andre such a topic?  His ways that match Joni are mean.

What's this?

So, I was taken out of school and my environment was ruined by my dad, so I could not be myself.  He said he was too poor for me to eat anymore and got junk all the time and disgusting meals.

Joni

Why am I always denied on Joni, anyway?

There

Germany is attractive and possesses qualities found attractive in the French.  It doesn't mean I dislike French or participate less?  Full French people go off and do as they please.  Not all Germans are "attractive" or pleasing.  I am also not in France or even New Orleans with its expensive natural disasters.

"Ghey."

Do you have anything else to talk about?

Hmph

I'm tired of getting no answer.  I'm patient, but now it's Joni.

Weird

Andre was pretty good and a good option next to Petra or what have you.  You acted like he wasn't good enough and everyone else was.  You said it was "about time."

"The Grouch"es

Are "you" the "fat and ugly" kind from being mean and irresponsible?

Hm.

It looks like I lost something, not just Andre, too.

How Much Am I Prevented

from becoming my beautiful self?

I can't chose the foods I want in the nursing home and it's not good.

Another Question

Why do people say I have something better regarding my work so Joni gets Andre now?

So

Baby Boomers have turned off all Generation XY.

Replacement

You know you can't have done or just do or plan to do or do something that Baby Boomers would see as right and get your way socially?

"Get It!"

I already know Joni "gets it," I'm not here to entertain that.  I'm here to see how I can make it so I get something.

Simple Statement, No Real Overarching Questions

I've been given a simple statement as though there's more behind it other than things like opinions and new details, that this person is deciding between pretending to marry Joni or say she's in competition with me.

Some people just use her as a tool when their time comes, to make sure I don't get anything.

Joni thinks other girls have succumbed already and so she doesn't get in their way.  That's partly what she wants to see sometimes, maybe, people succumbing finally, sounds like she's copying her mommy and doesn't have awareness of what is happening as she does it sorta.

Ideas to Save Money Etc. & Save Space, in Nursing Home

1. Stop Art - table is too small

2. Put stuff away on drawers and table so my planner is easier to get etc.

3. Pull out music, violin, more.

4. Neaten shoes ...somewhere.

I better get to it!

Does he care?

Does Andre Rieu care what I think of him, seriously just asking?  Does anyone?

For Other People to Know

You can be younger and attractive.

Prolonged Stay

Is this the result of an idea of a joke?  Who does this?  Stays in a mental hospital for almost a month then a nursing home for 4?

Nurses Hate Me but for No Reason

I noticed the way the nurses are friendly to each other and not me.  I'm just in an odd situation.

My Congratulations! I Feel I Knew It...

...Andre and Joni, people I am jealous of together forever with a beautiful baby boy + girl

See?

They are slow and retarded.

They are so stupid they tell me there is something terribly wrong with someone like Andre Rieu but show a keen interest s**ually.

Stop them!

Also, in general, I know people are reserving these hot people as real important people and ignoring them as topics until it's too late!!!

Well?

So, what am I really supposed to do about this person being nice to and interested in another girl but instead?  Shut up or say boo hoo do you still love me?  I'm prettier, though.

Know what I mean?

Why does Andre Rieu answer to a steaming pile of 💩?

Must Matter?

I was upset only to do with one person who counts, here now..

I was gonna somewhat frantically search if I wanna major in Criminal Justice.

Then, I thought why not be refined and make sure I study Art History?  I guess I can try on my own, but it's more nifty as a college degree online.  Thanks, to you, I finally learned you can feel about art, can be in a good way.

I said "Must Matter?" as the title, so conveniently.  I don't care what happened with people testing you, I even said it was okay and as usual I didn't matter, to you or anyone really.  I don't think anything really "happened."  Still, I don't know who said this, though, so I guess it's just too bad.

Clean

I cut my toenails! I need to do this more often and in the nursing home.

Another Problem!

I can't post on Facebook or my blog and have people not think it's addressed directly to they that don't answer (to them.)

Critical Thinking Skills

If you talk and you're all math and no English, it's gonna be that way when you sign off'a'here (sign off of here.)

"The Lo Down"

It's not gonna be sh*t for all the people I look up to who might have a "relationship" with me, somehow.

"Dinner"

They leave "dinner" up to the kids.

The Poor

Frozen pizza doesn't "fit the bill."

Hollywood

It was a joke, no one cares about you when the time comes in the end.

Waiting

I'm just waiting to hear an answer from the apartment or nursing home.  I might be done.

Need Food

I don't have enough decent food for my brain to function.

Not Funny

It's funny when you're mixed race and no one is interested in even talking to you.

Supper

I ordered Asian a deal, on DoorDash!  I also got orange soda for $2.99, so.

I didn't eat anything in the nursing home today almost, just some OJ and fruit, I think.

My Wish

I wish I could compose a certain kind of post and get a certain kind of answer for it, and go by that way.

A Wrap and a Workout

It seems making a wrap every day is making me feel better and more awake, eventually, coupled with the exercise.

Plan

I think I will move to another cheap apartment and get EveryPlate.

"Worthlessness"

People in the Cleveland medical system, at least the dingy "mental hospital" and nursing home, are delinquents, pigs hogging life not caring if I live or die on their whim.  I already told you I never invited you in particular to talk to me like that.

Americans

Americans are taking a "siesta."

Americans and Communication

Should Americans be allowed to communicate how they want?

(cont.)

Americans, what's the big deal?  If I don't wanna talk to some of them, I don't.

Sneaky

I almost feel Americans don't let me interact with people from Europe.

Savings

I opened a 2nd savings account at my main bank now for rent I saved.  I was late for this month because they cancelled the online option and I'm in a nursing home and they wouldn't let me use the bus now/yet.

If I need a new savings account, I might keep this one for rent savings.

Question

Do you like when people act mean but know what they're doing?

"Hard to Believe"

It's very "hard to believe" that sometimes people you like are accepted and you aren't.  No one seems to understand why..