Violin Practice

I practiced the violin 15 minutes so far today, just scales and easy exercises and "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star."

Violinists

I noticed that violinists say you can't play if you didn't ask to play when you were little.

It's funny when I play piano I get a funny feeling of people cheering me on while many people think they can surpass me, and I did ask to play violin when I was little.

It's just a social issue that will chase you down.  They say you can still feel loved if you didn't start violin young, but I feel chased down.  I can't even be that proud of my ability to learn.  Things get in the way, in life, when your parents died and you can't make money and people are making fun of your self worth and hunting you down compared to others, who are also treated unfairly and don't have to do anything to be accepted over you.

Go for attractive Baby Boomer violinists, and it'll be a big problem because everyone likes the same thing.

I watched this! - Disneyland Paris

Watched This and Commented

Question

If it's about me being all French or whoever does that, why do the French keep talking about Germany's classical music and whining they can't "get it?"  Who cares, in that way?  Of course, it's not all the French today necessarily.  I'm a loser if I'm German, but no one cares if I'm French or how my racial mix blends and I don't do anything bad racially.

Facebook Post (by Me)

How much "French" do you have?? Does it even matter? sometimes. Maybe, when it's special.

(cont.)

Of course, that is not to say that is all of them, necessarily! esp. today possibly.

Facebook Post (by Me)

Didn't the French mostly seem to start, I'm not sure now, that it's about "what's good" when it comes to people's personal lives racially?

Facebook Post (by Me)

I should admit this?

I am disgusted at the "different" atmosphere that was created for me when my parents died. I'm not saying it's up to anyone else to help me but maybe my social worker legally. It's a big serious financial etc. thing for me to be on my own. People I feel just mock me for supposedly thinking, I did good in school basically and get the money, and that's all I'll have enough, or something. Well, my parents died before I could go back and finish my diploma! I wanted to finish, but people ousted me from my dreams and hard work and claimed I had the rest of my life to do this. The world is all trying to get credit for my basic intelligence, now it's crunch time, for me.

(cont.)

...and we shouldn't all be punished as one in the same, if we still want to be young to Baby Boomers.

Enthusiasm

I noticed there was a lot of enthusiasm for my generation, Generation X and XY, when we were young.

Why do Baby Boomers always get a lot of enthusiasm still?  It's like it ended for us in our 30s.

Like, performing?  Not that exciting without the enthusiasm, like if you think of singing, dancing, and acting.  It was a big, big world we couldn't really all enter well.

There's no reason to be turning in.

Also, there's more enthusiasm to keep countries like France going, essentially, regarding feeling important and included.  What are the rest of us to do who are not, like, all French? etc.

I just got violin sheet music free to learn.

Scales

Positions 4, 5, 6, 7

"Worlds"

I feel there is not a "world" I can live in but people in the world I must come to scope.

Question About Generation X and XY

Are Baby Boomers counting on good kids to not dream in private or whatever and host those obese ladies stationing mental health facilities and services to oversee that bad and Autistic kids are the only ones to dream, as well as to feature Hollywood?

Friends

A lotta people wanna be my friend because I am so elaborate unending-ly.

No Fair

No one seems to care about me, but other Asians are "in."

Why, then?

So, why I am considered bad no matter if I have enough money or not?

Question

Do you have to be a rich loser to have a point in life?

Ashley

Do you think Ashley got what she wanted?  It doesn't seem like anyone will finish off some things, while she gets it.

Graduation

I guess I will when I am settled or maybe even before, maybe even before publishing my book.  I may have 4 classes left, may take 1 or 2.  Maybe 1 or 2 religions and 1 science, maybe done with math.

College Material

I wish I could do some college General Studies about now, maybe get my AA, but I have things to get in order.  I could do it on Survivors Benefits and not work.

Waiting to Eat

I'm just waiting for my nurse to let me take my medicine and give myself insulin shots.

I want to go to the dining room to eat my noodle soup.

I saw she got up from waiting for a text from a doctor.

Cold Weather

 32*F tonight!  The degree for snow!  The frost is going to the counties not on the water! in Ohio!

Something Better Gritty

Rather than blaming the little girls of the orchestra and whatnot, why not ask why Andre Rieu must have an overarching sort of "problem" with me that I'm not a pleasure to confide in.  It's either older White people or younger White people, and younger White people get "fucked."  I'm like an older equal regarding any new advances.  I mean, who are these people, Dutch women?  I don't have to be a younger person "end," however.

Question

Why do people act like I've "had my say" and I'm not that cool?  It's not even "shit" that I asked.

Blogger

It wasn't working today, so I wrote in a diary online.

Something

People in Cleveland.

The older nurses and "aids" here, maybe in their late 40s and in 50s, apparently have a problem and hate me.  I'm not here to be made fun of how silly I think they are when they are mean to me..  I'm in a nursing home and wanted to get out.  Apparently, nurses more around my age in the mental hospital and nursing home maybe just want to say they hate their job but tell me they hate it.  That's funny, people in Orlando were all like that, acting mean to me because they work and saying it was my fault when it wasn't my fault life feels like this or happens to be like this.

Idea

I think I'm gonna sell that book when I save money, make some money, and move.  Otherwise, I'd sell my music playing, first.

Hm.

People don't recognize me for what I do.

Idea

Make plebeian relations "jump through hurtles."

There's nothing to do.

I'm not here to feel sorry for anyone about money.

I know Latin American and African American families center on food and family and same with Asians and also on food Italian Americans center.

I don't have anything to do.

How do people get money to do nice things and not get pestered like they don't deserve it?

Never Enough Money - "Born and Bred"

Why did my parents put my younger brother and I in private schools?  Public schools aren't ^bad^, and we didn't have much money.  They made the Catholic schools suck, in the end.  I went to 7 Catholic schools, 2 Baptist schools, and 1 Methodist school.  Sometimes, some schools have supposedly choice programs, but in the end any could "suck" or be bad.  Where could all that money have gone?

I think this topic, that I was born and bred without enough money, would insult most families for suggesting my parents didn't do what was best for me but that I was right all along because I was right all along.

It seems no one is helping people thinking it's always the family's fault.  They know it's selfish to be that way to people in general, in the working world, and need to realize this in comparison with me.

Even in music, I guess there's no best or famous.  Just go to any ole college and forget about all that competition!  No offense to anyone-

Bach - Keyboard Concerto No. 3 in D Major, BWV 1054: III. Allegro

#7 - 26.21

Why are you not like ... Andre Rieu?

Should we say since Andre Rieu already did something great, it's not really an option to play with for at least someone like me?  Other people like to cross their eyes up at him for that fact and still play with it, like he is.  I did consider making a professional orchestra for working adults, serving all levels to the top.  After all, violin takes maybe a few years to learn, supposedly easier when you already know music, like people who are already violinists don't practice maybe so much alone.

Some of the Dutch sentiment has no point insulting me for making mistakes, pretending they are infallible, or will these ones deny it next time I get a message?  What else is there to discuss?  I forget, but there are details that are interesting and overarching in English.  I am glad to have Dutch heritage, but they prove to be mean sometimes.

Famous Comments

How can a comment online to someone famous mean anything?

Quiet People

People who don't want to talk in public and be involved are "up to no good."

It's over?

The Dutch know me and that I want to play violin, like the orchestra of Andre Rieu, but they know other people too and just because they know I'm not ready, in some ways it's over socially too.

Question

Is the Netherlands sometimes more prestigious than Germany but not always like France?

Interesting

At least this time, I found when I felt too full to eat more pizza, the water went down better and I didn't get more of that full feeling in my throat.

The Kindness of an Asian Person

On TV, it shows a man with a Japanese woman who committed suicide, too, with a gun.

At first, I sat there in hope sorta, like when my mom died, not sure what happened.  Then, I was disgusted.

It shows what the kindness of your mother does, mine was Chinese.

Exercise

I did floor exercise for 1/2 hour: weight loss beginner yoga, sitting easy yoga stretch, and beginning 6 pack.

Old Photo of Me

added to Facebook album

2013/2016-2020

Eating Habits

I ordered non-chain pizza today and was worried I wouldn't know when to stop and would stop early, but the time did come and it wasn't too bad!

Twang

I guess people just like to make very emotional Baby Boomers feel like babies who feel good to make problems of the imagination seem hotter and better, although it looks autistic.

Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/p/C5yoiO7xUSZ/?img_index=1

DoorDash

My Social Security is not eating off your children working hard in fast food restaurants while I wish I were back or doing something like that in a way but am forced to vegetate for now hospitalized and institutionalized.  It's eating off the same thing people my age are doing.

Website Update - "The Lo Down" of Life

My Statements > "The Lo Down" of Life

Your Health

Dialysis sounds like the spur to kick you into action into better health.

To me, once you get pre-diabetes and don't reverse it before it turns into diabetes, or whatever, you're just on the road to death, sooner or later, death by dialysis. I think it's a few times a week, and it's a horrible, unspoken process you know nothing about from the public and other friendly people.

I know taking pills can give you diabetes? For me, I took the cholesterol pills, and my health professional showing me the diagrams seemed mentally unstable and racist-ly induced, for the second or third visit at least recently. I also had been on psychotic medication. I even read after I got diabetes, sad, that it can cause diabetes, but no one cared, it wasn't a big deal, and so many people would not believe me.

Diabetes > "High Blood Pressure" / Heart > Kidneys / Dialysis ?

If you get diabetes, I would look up what foods are good to sprinkle in / add to your diet not only for diabetes but also for the heart and kidneys.

Your Money

People with mental illness I think can get Social Security, I'm not sure who else qualifies who is normal regarding their needs and not sure how much, but it depends on your living situation.

When my parents died, I got $2,045/month and can work part time up to like $14,30/month, whatever that may be. My aunt Barb got it for me, so she is to thank for that! I really just wanted to work and live in an apartment. I'm glad I have this, now, because I was living in 2 group homes Up in East Cleveland.

Apartments apparently cost like $600 usually at the lowest and average around the $1,000 range it seems, per month. If you get mail meal kits, check out the prices. I get the cheapest which tastes good, EveryPlate.. I get it for several people for most days of the week. I don't know about groceries, but they're pretty expensive I think for a minimum wage earner possibly. So, be careful. Make food a priority in your life, families in the U.S.A. from other heritages do it. Instead of moving to a magical land for $1K/month, I'm "staying here" for $620/month. That's about an extra $400/month for more EveryPlate, which I love the taste of and am ready to grow up on cooking and devouring like before. I've also used Hello Fresh, which is good and unique in other ways. So, I have like $1400/month after rent and like $1000 after bills and things. I have enough for like 5 meals a week for 6 people plus extra. So, that's 2 meals 3x a day of theirs. It may cost $600+. They selection is okay, there's a lot of things I like, but most of it no really. It beats my home cooking from childhood and what I can afford as an adult as a result of many problems, not my fault.

I'm trying to work up a savings in June or July hopefully. Don't forget to have retirement under control and don't wind up ever staying in a nursing home like this one I'm in...

There are ways to delegate money spending. I would follow my dreams, too. I like to get different minimum wage jobs teenagers get etc. I was supposed to graduate from college, in music.

What do you judge me by?

Do you ever judge me by my character or by if I make a mistake seeming mean or something?

Why don't you stop showing your anger for other people?  It must be embarrassing.

People Who Aren't as Outgoing to Talk as Me

They just like to make hints when they talk in the form of gossip about other people.

Even very well-liked people would not say the things I say, like what I've been saying here on my blog.

Does this mean I'm out because it's me and other people are free to say these things and get attention for it when people rarely find nor respond to me?

People who do talk to me don't seem to notice.  It would sure supply a lot to the otherwise echoing, mirroring, copying, mimicking conversation.

Other people get attention for bad things, and people encourage us to look bad and do that, too, like a trap, when the people who usually make that mistake are left free to change when that supposedly happens.  They even make the excuse we need something easier to do that's not as stressful, but that's not true at all with anyone.  I wonder how that works more with people who get by as popular.  Everyone swears you have to be bad and not smart or something like that to be popular, like people born in the later 1960s and the 1970s, like I know the females.  They said this in like the mid-late 1990s.. or finally seemed to all express that conclusion overnight.  Some were teachers.  They all seemed to network, in a sense.  Was it to please kids my age?  They seem challenged to communicate but seem like overly nice people.  Why are they embarrassed to be loved?

Race and Ethnicity

You, "pretty much," "won't make it" if you are just waiting for pretty people to pop up because of race and ethnicity.

I've seen people you'd love to see shy away because of it.

May as well make things for certain races and ethnicities and the mixes to show up for you to look at.

What Happened to the European American Exchange - Why It Vanished by Sometime After the Mid-Late 2000s

It's not like the U.S.A. is all going.

It's like when the regular good kids in school were waiting to see what they had to do to make it mentally and socially in the world.  All the kids who were considered to have problems with behavior in class were already saying they would make all the money.  People seemed to threaten that they would make it but didn't care about other kids essentially, maybe.  I know I was nice to everyone, while others were mean.  I was also personally under the mentality it was about school when it came to things with others in public regarding like my duties and "getting" things, whereas other people were commonly with their head in the clouds or maybe onto their elders more than I was.

So, on this topic, what happened to the European American Exchange and why it vanished by sometime after the mid-late 2000s, it is similar to this in that everyone woke up and wondered if all the best people go there I better listen and think that means it's me.  The mistake I just realized was that everyone is different.  However, people are all aroused by or attracted to Europe, from America, but they stay silent and expect to just "get" things rather than enjoy them socially by interacting and talking about it and recognizing it like it even exists, probably rubbing in their blase, nonchalant, complacent, conceited, hoarding views.

I also realize that people said since the U.S. can't all move to the same European countries or whatever that we should say the U.S. is Europe.  They also started acting like they were "better," Americans.

Disapproval

It looks like Andre Rieu is still approved of and I was the one put on the spot and disapproved of, and I never did anything wrong.  I realize it's not the same.  It might be about as much pressure but without public exposure, I notice, though.  Like I say whoever these people are or whatever is causing this, they or whoever (or whatever) make a big statement and then nothing happens for a long time and they are always made to feel comfortable and look good.  I also don't answer to maybe I did something wrong by accident as a reason to go down.  I didn't do anything really wrong and if I did I would have fixed it.  I don't like how Dutch people criticize Andre Rieu, too.  It's not like they're "good enough" or have to "open their big mouth."  I don't see anything innately brilliant about their hoarding him.  Andre Rieu is not too different in some ways but is a lot nicer and has it together more than most people with his French and Dutch heritage or whatever if he has.  He does it, still.  There's nothing especially wrong with him compared to most people, and people's critique of his fame and how good he is along with how famous he is is also wrong and unnecessary but also out of control and dumb.  They don't even know how it relates to me or not.  Maybe, he uses me for more fame.  I know most people seemed listlessly sneaky thinking I would "still" get credit for being a good musician or something abstract.  I didn't get anything fun all that time!  I guess they forget he gets that, too.  So, it's like I don't get as much, and the question is why does it matter.  It's one of those questions that doesn't require figuring out an answer, maybe, or could be a waste of time compared to other things we could be doing, I'm sure.  Yea, I was bothered to be involved.  I forget the point, now, but there's that, one of the most complete statements I have ever made.  Oh, yea, since he's so good, the Dutch always coat themselves as perfect to look bad to fit in.  So, they take special measures for him but like his personality and theirs and others are all better than mine, like I care, like you have to create a business to be worth anything.  I said fine it's a great idea, but they keep hurting me about it.  Pretty soon, you better not be looking for any attractive people!...

Sucker

I don't like the way my dad got people not to communicate well with/about me, no matter what, compared to other people.

People who are not mean to me seem to avert me.  Either way, no one really talks to me much/well, in the end.

Whatever the problem is is not me.  I think other people gave in too easily to my dad or he really scared them that he would hurt me and maybe people would do other things.  That just means I'm the one who is fine as a person, not people who mis-communicate in my regard.

Ill Reputed

Why should I care what you feel my reputation is and how did it get that way? by my dad.

I noticed some Dutch males being influential while following Andre Rieu and his music people.  I just realized it's true they want to make sure I don't get attached to Andre Rieu and say it's because I'm Dutch but they are Dutch and they want to in lieu of that ... and then say I'm not okay being Dutch..  I guess you just have to look and see how precious their Indonesians are and how much Germany worships Japan.  There are people in every race and ethnicity who look undesirable or who are undesired, and popular for certain qualities and features.  The answer is it's wrong, then.  No need to say it's not a good reason why.

Overly/Especially Attractive Americans and Other Caucasians

Well, people do like motherly brunettes to nurture them mostly but not as much to be the most successful people in show-business.

It seems strange how not many people who are considered privileged to be attractive or just successful at it don't circulate being exposed as much, and when someone does it's like a blacklisting opportunity regarding other people who aren't overall worse than most others.  It happens like anything does socially and matters like anything.

I'm just not really happy I'm not one of them if that's the level it's at, but I don't complain about it and am just mad people pretend I do or want to.  Who wouldn't be that way, anyway? in their straight minds? or when their moms suck all their moral energy out of them? and leave none for anyone else somehow?

I don't even brag about being attractive in my thoughts, but I still want to try!  I think I did look alluring, but then no one cares because my mom is not American and then go mentally insane and say it's not fair then.  When I look fine, I look good.  I was very healthy sometimes, but my dad or someone always got in the way.  That's what I would say was hard work that made me look good, maybe not sparkly or bubbly.  I was a little short looking, but it's my legs that need to grow.  It seems unfair my lifestyle when I was young and impressionable and didn't know what to do exactly as much as I do now and am being prevented now from my last opportunity at life and being nurtured by older people eventually more, like something else is waiting to happen instead.

I just don't like how people want to make it their point to tell me people are just pretending I'm attractive in every way, maybe aren't as "good" looking like they might be more perverted but need to learn to not get jealous and accept I like them and how they look more than I do overall.  I do think I just never was exposed to the same people or treatment.

What's the hot and new Asian country after China and Japan?

Indonesia!

I found a credible source stating maybe Indonesians came from Asia like 10,000 years ago, and they came from Africa, supposedly it says, while Europe did come from the Middle East.. but you know it doesn't matter but might make some difference?  I don't know the status of Africans/Blacks and Jewish people..

So, it is like the miracle culture that is old Asia refined, to "Whites."  Wow, to be honest, they just get everything.  That's fine by me, but I thought I was included.  It grosses me out, on an individual level.  No racism allowed, I say, but I'm not violent to "racists."  I just don't want to be the negative one in the game or someone people sadly can't talk to..