Responsibility

I feel responsible for where I live, like I'm "not a kid anymore" not living with my parents or something.

Savings

I have a good number of savings to play with.

Savings 1 - Regular

Savings 2 - Things I Need

Savings 3 - Extra Expenses

Savings 4 - Grand Savings

Money

I have 4 savings accounts and 2 checking accounts, at Huntington Bank and an account at Key Bank, the Ohio bank.

1 checking account is the main one for bills to come out and stuff maybe or the other for random things.

1 savings is regular.  Savings 2 is for things like rent allowed to pay late.  Savings 3 is for things I might use if I want.  Savings 4 is for big savings.  If I get one more it'll be for more big savings but not the grand savings.

Being Attractive

You have to be really attractive if you're born around 1984 or 1983.

College Online

Certificate in Commercial Music @ Liberty University in Violin

It might only take 2 semester time.  The courses are 8 weeks.  8 months total.  A little over 1/2 year.

School Lunches

I'm watching a video of school lunches by the decade, and 1960/s was pizza and 1980/s was chicken nuggets, 1970/s hamburger.  Apple juice with pizza, soda with burger.

Question for "Baby Boomer" Women

Do you care if younger people complained about high school?

A Find

They said in prison, malnutrition causes mental disorders.

Why if I find something do people say it can't be because I'm not all White and others can?

College

Liberty University

Commercial Music - Bachelor (of Science?)

Violin? (if I stay, otherwise, I know another modern music college with it?...)

Online College

Whites Around Non-Whites

White people like being around non-Whites because it's a chance to open up and not feel so tested about how White they look by other Whites.

Prisoners Are Mentally Sane Sometimes/Often

So, prisoners aren't treated like they are mentally ill.

Weird

People with mental illnesses when institutionalized and adults are not treated much better than prisoners?

"In prison cells-"

Are people counting on me to be a prisoner?

Degrees Online

The main college degrees online that are for more money seem to be more business degrees.

How is it?

Is it about what your parents seem like or how you turn out?

Question

If this childhood thing is about my possible children, then why ruin my career?

Dream

I was like in a place where it was half one thing half another, like a car and building.  It was like Emma Kok was singing, a young girl who sings with Andre Rieu, at least now, solo, and not much in a group or among others.  My mom was there and talking and her voice turned more smooth Dutch.  I'm used to hearing it and can't repeat it.  She used to reprimand me not to mimic her when I was like 3, 4, or 5.  So, I think it was "12 Days of Christmas" we were going through.  I think she was getting upset and I was getting annoyed.  She drove me to a building like for a library or where people come together to do business or something and there were stairs and a 2nd lofted floor that wasn't too small.  I kept cursing before, using the "n" word and whoever and whatever popped in my mind.  I kept saying leave me alone, as a complex number was about where people were watching and helping against me, though they all seemed to feel sorry for me.  After awhile, no sound would come out.  Some kind of police type men took my cell phone upon suggestion, and the ladies were mad at my mom for it.  I said they could watch me use it and I want to see the orchestra.  Before, the site wasn't working and it was asked is it always this complicated.  One little African American or "Black" man said I was under arrest, but he was small kinda like a leprechaun after awhile, too.  They said my mom must have some problem being so short.  Finally, I was so mad I fell back on a short bookshelf and it fell.  Some of this dream was interesting in feel, I was just saying stuff like, "Leave me alone!" in a windy sorta voice like shouting.  Lots of people were surrounding kinda, maybe like 10 spread out, a lot of rather obese but nice women.  It was pretty long, mostly about what was wrong with me and me trying to shout to leave me alone after I had been cursing to my mom's anger.  She kept talking back constantly in this dream.

Dream

It's hard to remember how it started out.

I met the coach or saw him, I guess it was like it was Andre Rieu but looked different.

So, there were classes and I finally was to pick one.  There may have been a few on a board.  I was also to play basketball and it was big and he looked different or like he was someone else and he was also that coach.  He didn't teach all the classes.  So, lingering, I guess if you look hard enough for your dreams and remember it's there it won't go away without your catching it more.  So, the class I got on this electric old board was "The Waltz."  There was some message too about it.  I didn't get to go in this dream.  I did play basketball, and the ball was so big and hard to throw in my sleep, you know?  It started out maybe I was late or something but maybe not maybe just on time and I put on my backpack guess didn't get it in a locker and didn't want it stolen.  Didn't know about the lockers.  The coach was looking like he should be short, thin, and good looking but bald for basketball and then like what should he be tall to be a music teacher.  So, I made some passes.  I remember practice we were in line to shoot and I took long like at a festival game though trying to position.  The ball maybe seemed to get bigger and heavier or at least harder for me and in the end it was so hard to move.  I made more passes.  There may have been something about the music or performing like a recital in a big room is the feel, but I dunno.  I really wanted to do the music, but all I did was basketball with the music people.  I remember the team members now.  Many were obese and big and kinda tall, boys I think mostly or all.  Some had cute features to make them feel good, and I was thinking I don't do it to conform but because I want to, no end or maybe point.  Like their thumb/s or fingers.  I did actually throw the ball in my dreams like the only one and always a pass and no one ever got it.  It was hard, like a warbling environment.  It must have been hard to concentrate.  I was thinking and yearning for the music, eager to see the people and teacher of course.  It wasn't like I was in his orchestra, and the people were different.  It was more like a school in a way and there may have been 3 teachers and maybe they did different things maybe not.  They didn't seem like much of comrades, though.  The "orchestra" and basketball team was all young people like we were in high school but maybe not I, ageless.  I think the basketball was big and blue.  The basketball was for our well-being and exercise and I guess so violence would not "break out."  There certainly was different tension but lots of "team spirit."  It's like we were sane but uptight.  It was a bit.  Of course it was all in anticipation for Andre Rieu at least secretly with me more.  It still didn't change things.  So, I didn't want to wake up from this dream.  I have a feeling of a dong dong, dong dong, as I look back and hear something now, guitar music on TV, and I wake up and sleep, wake up and sleep, like it's time.

Remember a better world?

Remember, bad Italians etc. think I don't get to have fun.

Well!

The people monitoring me in private can't act in place of others I like.

Counting Money

I have nothing better to do than count money.

Shit!

I was feeling really crappy and went to take a shit and feel much better, now.

If I landed...

If I had a fancy house, I would have it beautifully light slightly bluish green with gold shiny borders.  I'm ready to take this world into its future!

Happy Content?

😭  Do you go home every day and come back refreshed and 100% perfect in life?  When you come here for the shits and giggles and have a good time, on film|boards.

The Social World is Hibernating

The world used to be more social.  Now, everyone does their thing in private.  Like, memes and cliches.  Like, things that you'd find'd be a big deal, like logical things you conclude.

Teenagers and Young Adults

I noticed teenagers and young adults in the mid 1990s or something would get upset at me, like if they do something and you don't give a friendly reaction.  I would just feel embarrassed, on the spot but then look shy.  Still, you'd be treated like you're bad, like "trash."  They act like you're not cool and they all keep doing these things.  They're all mad at Mommy and Daddy issues to kids, even good ones.  Bad kids seem to get away with it, sometimes.  I mean kids when I was younger, like maybe 12 I 1998? and older.

Frozen "Dinners"

I just watched a YouTube video on frozen dinners.

I thought frozen dinners that were worth it would be things good frozen but fun like chicken nuggets with fries and a dessert.

It makes sense to sell emergency food for emergencies.  The video opens saying it's an alternative to saying, negatively, "take out" from restaurants or something.  Well, I was thinking of being a stay at home mom, but I'd get tired from staying home too possibly since I'm not used to it.  I just can't do this the way I want.

Germany and Music

I had a somewhat good somewhat strange dream.

First it was about music and Germany, Tim Burton is a good French style artist, but whatever he did was handled sloppily and suddenly it was all about art and England which wasn't supposed to like stop Germany.

My dream started with me in school giving a piano recital that was decent but not my best.  This pretty flute player I saw Up North was in with the in crowd.  It turned into an animation, as I saw, after they went deep down to a sub like 40 floors into the earth, some big fat Italian pizza cartoon men whipped up cans of biscuits and used it to make sandwiches of some sort.  They had to eat, so make it cheap.  The train/s came.  There was a mouse working on it, gray, and it was so horrific its tail tied itself to the rail and it whipped around dead on the wheel!  Etc.  It kept repeating how people need to eat and they make it cheap.  It was the fuel for the duel, so-to-speak.  They looked at the passengers.  The mouse suffered.  In the end, I was welcome to a sweatshirt and part time job and to play violin in a group someday.  There was another private message I think meaning someday things would be better but today maybe would stay the same.  It sounds like what it's like for kids today.  Kids today don't fit in at all and are scrambling to fit in.

Behavior

I have strict rules of behavior I am sometimes solely rewarded for, while Barb and Joni don't.

Still

It may not be necessary but more or less still my business.  Maybe my whole life is a joke.  She's already like that.

Joni

Joni seems to get it just for having light hair.  I don't know if she's in my business because they lie.  Anyway, they think she's humble, really.  Go talk to her and stop ruining my life.

And..

It seems like it's taking too long whatever we are looking forward to.

I guess.

I guess people just don't like me and won't leave me alone, tho.

Hm.

If it's all about Joni getting with a boy like marrying then why is she such a big deal to everyone else who turns her down? if they do.

Hm.

I found Irish was Germanic?

Hm, well.

The Dutch will show interested in Germany when not me even if people disagree with something fishy about them that only they can share.

Well

What about Asians and mixed Asians who are ready to talk?

Staying in Shape

Do some people stay in shape by talking?

Hm..

What if it's not America? so much.

I want to move.

Somewhere without natural disasters so much.  Maybe in June.

Hm..

It's not an emergency if someone gets something someone else doesn't get.  I'm watching something on TV.

"That's what I heard."

I said the food was a problem and they know I'm 1/2 Asian.  They didn't use their authority to make sure I'm okay or the kitchen didn't listen well or it's still bad.  Cleveland is afraid to say anything, thinks it has a shot at being Far North.

Hm..

There are lots of things to do in life not stuck in one room without enough food.

and

Germany won't do "it."

Germans

Well, I'm not as interested in the U.S.

Hm.

Germans might be disconnected from France like England.

I found something else in this feeling.

Why is Andre such a topic?  His ways that match Joni are mean.

What's this?

So, I was taken out of school and my environment was ruined by my dad, so I could not be myself.  He said he was too poor for me to eat anymore and got junk all the time and disgusting meals.

Joni

Why am I always denied on Joni, anyway?

There

Germany is attractive and possesses qualities found attractive in the French.  It doesn't mean I dislike French or participate less?  Full French people go off and do as they please.  Not all Germans are "attractive" or pleasing.  I am also not in France or even New Orleans with its expensive natural disasters.

"Ghey."

Do you have anything else to talk about?

Hmph

I'm tired of getting no answer.  I'm patient, but now it's Joni.

Weird

Andre was pretty good and a good option next to Petra or what have you.  You acted like he wasn't good enough and everyone else was.  You said it was "about time."

"The Grouch"es

Are "you" the "fat and ugly" kind from being mean and irresponsible?

Hm.

It looks like I lost something, not just Andre, too.

How Much Am I Prevented

from becoming my beautiful self?

I can't chose the foods I want in the nursing home and it's not good.

Another Question

Why do people say I have something better regarding my work so Joni gets Andre now?

So

Baby Boomers have turned off all Generation XY.

Replacement

You know you can't have done or just do or plan to do or do something that Baby Boomers would see as right and get your way socially?

"Get It!"

I already know Joni "gets it," I'm not here to entertain that.  I'm here to see how I can make it so I get something.

Simple Statement, No Real Overarching Questions

I've been given a simple statement as though there's more behind it other than things like opinions and new details, that this person is deciding between pretending to marry Joni or say she's in competition with me.

Some people just use her as a tool when their time comes, to make sure I don't get anything.

Joni thinks other girls have succumbed already and so she doesn't get in their way.  That's partly what she wants to see sometimes, maybe, people succumbing finally, sounds like she's copying her mommy and doesn't have awareness of what is happening as she does it sorta.

Ideas to Save Money Etc. & Save Space, in Nursing Home

1. Stop Art - table is too small

2. Put stuff away on drawers and table so my planner is easier to get etc.

3. Pull out music, violin, more.

4. Neaten shoes ...somewhere.

I better get to it!

Does he care?

Does Andre Rieu care what I think of him, seriously just asking?  Does anyone?

For Other People to Know

You can be younger and attractive.

Prolonged Stay

Is this the result of an idea of a joke?  Who does this?  Stays in a mental hospital for almost a month then a nursing home for 4?

Nurses Hate Me but for No Reason

I noticed the way the nurses are friendly to each other and not me.  I'm just in an odd situation.

My Congratulations! I Feel I Knew It...

...Andre and Joni, people I am jealous of together forever with a beautiful baby boy + girl

See?

They are slow and retarded.

They are so stupid they tell me there is something terribly wrong with someone like Andre Rieu but show a keen interest s**ually.

Stop them!

Also, in general, I know people are reserving these hot people as real important people and ignoring them as topics until it's too late!!!

Well?

So, what am I really supposed to do about this person being nice to and interested in another girl but instead?  Shut up or say boo hoo do you still love me?  I'm prettier, though.

Know what I mean?

Why does Andre Rieu answer to a steaming pile of 💩?

Must Matter?

I was upset only to do with one person who counts, here now..

I was gonna somewhat frantically search if I wanna major in Criminal Justice.

Then, I thought why not be refined and make sure I study Art History?  I guess I can try on my own, but it's more nifty as a college degree online.  Thanks, to you, I finally learned you can feel about art, can be in a good way.

I said "Must Matter?" as the title, so conveniently.  I don't care what happened with people testing you, I even said it was okay and as usual I didn't matter, to you or anyone really.  I don't think anything really "happened."  Still, I don't know who said this, though, so I guess it's just too bad.

Clean

I cut my toenails! I need to do this more often and in the nursing home.

Another Problem!

I can't post on Facebook or my blog and have people not think it's addressed directly to they that don't answer (to them.)

Critical Thinking Skills

If you talk and you're all math and no English, it's gonna be that way when you sign off'a'here (sign off of here.)

"The Lo Down"

It's not gonna be sh*t for all the people I look up to who might have a "relationship" with me, somehow.

"Dinner"

They leave "dinner" up to the kids.

The Poor

Frozen pizza doesn't "fit the bill."

Hollywood

It was a joke, no one cares about you when the time comes in the end.

Waiting

I'm just waiting to hear an answer from the apartment or nursing home.  I might be done.

Need Food

I don't have enough decent food for my brain to function.

Not Funny

It's funny when you're mixed race and no one is interested in even talking to you.

Supper

I ordered Asian a deal, on DoorDash!  I also got orange soda for $2.99, so.

I didn't eat anything in the nursing home today almost, just some OJ and fruit, I think.

My Wish

I wish I could compose a certain kind of post and get a certain kind of answer for it, and go by that way.

A Wrap and a Workout

It seems making a wrap every day is making me feel better and more awake, eventually, coupled with the exercise.

Plan

I think I will move to another cheap apartment and get EveryPlate.

"Worthlessness"

People in the Cleveland medical system, at least the dingy "mental hospital" and nursing home, are delinquents, pigs hogging life not caring if I live or die on their whim.  I already told you I never invited you in particular to talk to me like that.

Americans

Americans are taking a "siesta."

Americans and Communication

Should Americans be allowed to communicate how they want?

(cont.)

Americans, what's the big deal?  If I don't wanna talk to some of them, I don't.

Sneaky

I almost feel Americans don't let me interact with people from Europe.

Savings

I opened a 2nd savings account at my main bank now for rent I saved.  I was late for this month because they cancelled the online option and I'm in a nursing home and they wouldn't let me use the bus now/yet.

If I need a new savings account, I might keep this one for rent savings.

Question

Do you like when people act mean but know what they're doing?

"Hard to Believe"

It's very "hard to believe" that sometimes people you like are accepted and you aren't.  No one seems to understand why..

College Online

I'm going to get my AA online free at the Baptist University of Florida, can finish in one semester.

It's better to say what your heritage is, or blood race.

You're ignoring many full Asian women when you are "Black" or "African" and you don't compare yourself to them and other "White" people forget that some people are mixed "Whites."

Latin Americans aren't really non-"White" but still on the racial journey of people seeing their skin as less fair or their culture removed like Americans from Europe, at least Spain seems to feel that way being the same ethnicity seeing differences between many.

Then, you have to go into that Western Europeans aren't all bad, and Eastern Europeans might like the best of them or whatever people seem to all think is the best.

Etc.

Typing Speed Test

Typing Speed Test

Clothes Shopping

 

Typing Test

Typing Test

Task - Call

I'm making a call to see how much money I'm allowed to make on "Survivors Benefits" of "Social Security."  I have to ask about tips, in case, too.

Depressing, Looking for Things to Do

It's depressing being confined to the nursing home and not going to activities and trying to find things to do.  I just try to stay awake, unless I feel I need a nap.  Sometimes, I'm tired, still, but don't want to sleep too much, like at once, not used to hibernating!

Of course, normally?  I'd go places, like walk around the mall.  That's a good reason to get a job and not just stay home and cook, on Social Security.  Most people say people on Social Security should get a job and make something of themselves, when they're out with people they know.

Food = Better

I'll probably be feeling better with enough food in the nursing home, like if anything happens.

Agh!

It feels so good if you have at least enough of the right food!

Mob

https://youtube.com/shorts/6CsypRKAFIk?si=8euwZmWmU08jT0VY

Why is Andre Rieu made to seem so untouchable?

The thing is already that I "get" that I did good in music and for him is to make sure I am popular "or else."  So, I am losing, thanks to people like possibly my dad or the people monitoring me in private, not my mistake anyway.  They always use attractive Baby Boomers in classical music against me.  It might even be their "wake up call" because not everyone is in that field though everyone can be a positive fan of the relationships forming with them.

It looks like he likes people more than Ellen DeGeneres, too.  She doesn't let annoying Americans talk to her etc.

Why is everyone waiting for me to get better rather than anyone making that decision of mine happen?  How stupid!  I was gonna fix myself up when this started, and it got in my way and some people decided the ill on me, seeing as I was getting on, because I was getting more attractive and, of course, trying.

I found something nasty about some Baby Boomers.

If you upset them but don't do anything wrong anyway, they just sit there and wait disgustingly and later they do something elaborate and put you off.

Violin Practice

I practiced the violin 15 minutes so far today, just scales and easy exercises and "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star."

Violinists

I noticed that violinists say you can't play if you didn't ask to play when you were little.

It's funny when I play piano I get a funny feeling of people cheering me on while many people think they can surpass me, and I did ask to play violin when I was little.

It's just a social issue that will chase you down.  They say you can still feel loved if you didn't start violin young, but I feel chased down.  I can't even be that proud of my ability to learn.  Things get in the way, in life, when your parents died and you can't make money and people are making fun of your self worth and hunting you down compared to others, who are also treated unfairly and don't have to do anything to be accepted over you.

Go for attractive Baby Boomer violinists, and it'll be a big problem because everyone likes the same thing.

I watched this! - Disneyland Paris

Watched This and Commented

Question

If it's about me being all French or whoever does that, why do the French keep talking about Germany's classical music and whining they can't "get it?"  Who cares, in that way?  Of course, it's not all the French today necessarily.  I'm a loser if I'm German, but no one cares if I'm French or how my racial mix blends and I don't do anything bad racially.

Facebook Post (by Me)

How much "French" do you have?? Does it even matter? sometimes. Maybe, when it's special.

(cont.)

Of course, that is not to say that is all of them, necessarily! esp. today possibly.

Facebook Post (by Me)

Didn't the French mostly seem to start, I'm not sure now, that it's about "what's good" when it comes to people's personal lives racially?

Facebook Post (by Me)

I should admit this?

I am disgusted at the "different" atmosphere that was created for me when my parents died. I'm not saying it's up to anyone else to help me but maybe my social worker legally. It's a big serious financial etc. thing for me to be on my own. People I feel just mock me for supposedly thinking, I did good in school basically and get the money, and that's all I'll have enough, or something. Well, my parents died before I could go back and finish my diploma! I wanted to finish, but people ousted me from my dreams and hard work and claimed I had the rest of my life to do this. The world is all trying to get credit for my basic intelligence, now it's crunch time, for me.

(cont.)

...and we shouldn't all be punished as one in the same, if we still want to be young to Baby Boomers.

Enthusiasm

I noticed there was a lot of enthusiasm for my generation, Generation X and XY, when we were young.

Why do Baby Boomers always get a lot of enthusiasm still?  It's like it ended for us in our 30s.

Like, performing?  Not that exciting without the enthusiasm, like if you think of singing, dancing, and acting.  It was a big, big world we couldn't really all enter well.

There's no reason to be turning in.

Also, there's more enthusiasm to keep countries like France going, essentially, regarding feeling important and included.  What are the rest of us to do who are not, like, all French? etc.

I just got violin sheet music free to learn.

Scales

Positions 4, 5, 6, 7

"Worlds"

I feel there is not a "world" I can live in but people in the world I must come to scope.

Question About Generation X and XY

Are Baby Boomers counting on good kids to not dream in private or whatever and host those obese ladies stationing mental health facilities and services to oversee that bad and Autistic kids are the only ones to dream, as well as to feature Hollywood?

Friends

A lotta people wanna be my friend because I am so elaborate unending-ly.

No Fair

No one seems to care about me, but other Asians are "in."

Why, then?

So, why I am considered bad no matter if I have enough money or not?

Question

Do you have to be a rich loser to have a point in life?

Ashley

Do you think Ashley got what she wanted?  It doesn't seem like anyone will finish off some things, while she gets it.

Graduation

I guess I will when I am settled or maybe even before, maybe even before publishing my book.  I may have 4 classes left, may take 1 or 2.  Maybe 1 or 2 religions and 1 science, maybe done with math.

College Material

I wish I could do some college General Studies about now, maybe get my AA, but I have things to get in order.  I could do it on Survivors Benefits and not work.

Waiting to Eat

I'm just waiting for my nurse to let me take my medicine and give myself insulin shots.

I want to go to the dining room to eat my noodle soup.

I saw she got up from waiting for a text from a doctor.

Cold Weather

 32*F tonight!  The degree for snow!  The frost is going to the counties not on the water! in Ohio!

Something Better Gritty

Rather than blaming the little girls of the orchestra and whatnot, why not ask why Andre Rieu must have an overarching sort of "problem" with me that I'm not a pleasure to confide in.  It's either older White people or younger White people, and younger White people get "fucked."  I'm like an older equal regarding any new advances.  I mean, who are these people, Dutch women?  I don't have to be a younger person "end," however.

Question

Why do people act like I've "had my say" and I'm not that cool?  It's not even "shit" that I asked.

Blogger

It wasn't working today, so I wrote in a diary online.

Something

People in Cleveland.

The older nurses and "aids" here, maybe in their late 40s and in 50s, apparently have a problem and hate me.  I'm not here to be made fun of how silly I think they are when they are mean to me..  I'm in a nursing home and wanted to get out.  Apparently, nurses more around my age in the mental hospital and nursing home maybe just want to say they hate their job but tell me they hate it.  That's funny, people in Orlando were all like that, acting mean to me because they work and saying it was my fault when it wasn't my fault life feels like this or happens to be like this.

Idea

I think I'm gonna sell that book when I save money, make some money, and move.  Otherwise, I'd sell my music playing, first.

Hm.

People don't recognize me for what I do.

Idea

Make plebeian relations "jump through hurtles."

There's nothing to do.

I'm not here to feel sorry for anyone about money.

I know Latin American and African American families center on food and family and same with Asians and also on food Italian Americans center.

I don't have anything to do.

How do people get money to do nice things and not get pestered like they don't deserve it?

Never Enough Money - "Born and Bred"

Why did my parents put my younger brother and I in private schools?  Public schools aren't ^bad^, and we didn't have much money.  They made the Catholic schools suck, in the end.  I went to 7 Catholic schools, 2 Baptist schools, and 1 Methodist school.  Sometimes, some schools have supposedly choice programs, but in the end any could "suck" or be bad.  Where could all that money have gone?

I think this topic, that I was born and bred without enough money, would insult most families for suggesting my parents didn't do what was best for me but that I was right all along because I was right all along.

It seems no one is helping people thinking it's always the family's fault.  They know it's selfish to be that way to people in general, in the working world, and need to realize this in comparison with me.

Even in music, I guess there's no best or famous.  Just go to any ole college and forget about all that competition!  No offense to anyone-

Bach - Keyboard Concerto No. 3 in D Major, BWV 1054: III. Allegro

#7 - 26.21

Why are you not like ... Andre Rieu?

Should we say since Andre Rieu already did something great, it's not really an option to play with for at least someone like me?  Other people like to cross their eyes up at him for that fact and still play with it, like he is.  I did consider making a professional orchestra for working adults, serving all levels to the top.  After all, violin takes maybe a few years to learn, supposedly easier when you already know music, like people who are already violinists don't practice maybe so much alone.

Some of the Dutch sentiment has no point insulting me for making mistakes, pretending they are infallible, or will these ones deny it next time I get a message?  What else is there to discuss?  I forget, but there are details that are interesting and overarching in English.  I am glad to have Dutch heritage, but they prove to be mean sometimes.

Famous Comments

How can a comment online to someone famous mean anything?

Quiet People

People who don't want to talk in public and be involved are "up to no good."

It's over?

The Dutch know me and that I want to play violin, like the orchestra of Andre Rieu, but they know other people too and just because they know I'm not ready, in some ways it's over socially too.

Question

Is the Netherlands sometimes more prestigious than Germany but not always like France?

Interesting

At least this time, I found when I felt too full to eat more pizza, the water went down better and I didn't get more of that full feeling in my throat.

The Kindness of an Asian Person

On TV, it shows a man with a Japanese woman who committed suicide, too, with a gun.

At first, I sat there in hope sorta, like when my mom died, not sure what happened.  Then, I was disgusted.

It shows what the kindness of your mother does, mine was Chinese.

Exercise

I did floor exercise for 1/2 hour: weight loss beginner yoga, sitting easy yoga stretch, and beginning 6 pack.

Old Photo of Me

added to Facebook album

2013/2016-2020

Eating Habits

I ordered non-chain pizza today and was worried I wouldn't know when to stop and would stop early, but the time did come and it wasn't too bad!

Twang

I guess people just like to make very emotional Baby Boomers feel like babies who feel good to make problems of the imagination seem hotter and better, although it looks autistic.

Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/p/C5yoiO7xUSZ/?img_index=1

DoorDash

My Social Security is not eating off your children working hard in fast food restaurants while I wish I were back or doing something like that in a way but am forced to vegetate for now hospitalized and institutionalized.  It's eating off the same thing people my age are doing.

Website Update - "The Lo Down" of Life

My Statements > "The Lo Down" of Life

Your Health

Dialysis sounds like the spur to kick you into action into better health.

To me, once you get pre-diabetes and don't reverse it before it turns into diabetes, or whatever, you're just on the road to death, sooner or later, death by dialysis. I think it's a few times a week, and it's a horrible, unspoken process you know nothing about from the public and other friendly people.

I know taking pills can give you diabetes? For me, I took the cholesterol pills, and my health professional showing me the diagrams seemed mentally unstable and racist-ly induced, for the second or third visit at least recently. I also had been on psychotic medication. I even read after I got diabetes, sad, that it can cause diabetes, but no one cared, it wasn't a big deal, and so many people would not believe me.

Diabetes > "High Blood Pressure" / Heart > Kidneys / Dialysis ?

If you get diabetes, I would look up what foods are good to sprinkle in / add to your diet not only for diabetes but also for the heart and kidneys.

Your Money

People with mental illness I think can get Social Security, I'm not sure who else qualifies who is normal regarding their needs and not sure how much, but it depends on your living situation.

When my parents died, I got $2,045/month and can work part time up to like $14,30/month, whatever that may be. My aunt Barb got it for me, so she is to thank for that! I really just wanted to work and live in an apartment. I'm glad I have this, now, because I was living in 2 group homes Up in East Cleveland.

Apartments apparently cost like $600 usually at the lowest and average around the $1,000 range it seems, per month. If you get mail meal kits, check out the prices. I get the cheapest which tastes good, EveryPlate.. I get it for several people for most days of the week. I don't know about groceries, but they're pretty expensive I think for a minimum wage earner possibly. So, be careful. Make food a priority in your life, families in the U.S.A. from other heritages do it. Instead of moving to a magical land for $1K/month, I'm "staying here" for $620/month. That's about an extra $400/month for more EveryPlate, which I love the taste of and am ready to grow up on cooking and devouring like before. I've also used Hello Fresh, which is good and unique in other ways. So, I have like $1400/month after rent and like $1000 after bills and things. I have enough for like 5 meals a week for 6 people plus extra. So, that's 2 meals 3x a day of theirs. It may cost $600+. They selection is okay, there's a lot of things I like, but most of it no really. It beats my home cooking from childhood and what I can afford as an adult as a result of many problems, not my fault.

I'm trying to work up a savings in June or July hopefully. Don't forget to have retirement under control and don't wind up ever staying in a nursing home like this one I'm in...

There are ways to delegate money spending. I would follow my dreams, too. I like to get different minimum wage jobs teenagers get etc. I was supposed to graduate from college, in music.

What do you judge me by?

Do you ever judge me by my character or by if I make a mistake seeming mean or something?

Why don't you stop showing your anger for other people?  It must be embarrassing.

People Who Aren't as Outgoing to Talk as Me

They just like to make hints when they talk in the form of gossip about other people.

Even very well-liked people would not say the things I say, like what I've been saying here on my blog.

Does this mean I'm out because it's me and other people are free to say these things and get attention for it when people rarely find nor respond to me?

People who do talk to me don't seem to notice.  It would sure supply a lot to the otherwise echoing, mirroring, copying, mimicking conversation.

Other people get attention for bad things, and people encourage us to look bad and do that, too, like a trap, when the people who usually make that mistake are left free to change when that supposedly happens.  They even make the excuse we need something easier to do that's not as stressful, but that's not true at all with anyone.  I wonder how that works more with people who get by as popular.  Everyone swears you have to be bad and not smart or something like that to be popular, like people born in the later 1960s and the 1970s, like I know the females.  They said this in like the mid-late 1990s.. or finally seemed to all express that conclusion overnight.  Some were teachers.  They all seemed to network, in a sense.  Was it to please kids my age?  They seem challenged to communicate but seem like overly nice people.  Why are they embarrassed to be loved?

Race and Ethnicity

You, "pretty much," "won't make it" if you are just waiting for pretty people to pop up because of race and ethnicity.

I've seen people you'd love to see shy away because of it.

May as well make things for certain races and ethnicities and the mixes to show up for you to look at.

What Happened to the European American Exchange - Why It Vanished by Sometime After the Mid-Late 2000s

It's not like the U.S.A. is all going.

It's like when the regular good kids in school were waiting to see what they had to do to make it mentally and socially in the world.  All the kids who were considered to have problems with behavior in class were already saying they would make all the money.  People seemed to threaten that they would make it but didn't care about other kids essentially, maybe.  I know I was nice to everyone, while others were mean.  I was also personally under the mentality it was about school when it came to things with others in public regarding like my duties and "getting" things, whereas other people were commonly with their head in the clouds or maybe onto their elders more than I was.

So, on this topic, what happened to the European American Exchange and why it vanished by sometime after the mid-late 2000s, it is similar to this in that everyone woke up and wondered if all the best people go there I better listen and think that means it's me.  The mistake I just realized was that everyone is different.  However, people are all aroused by or attracted to Europe, from America, but they stay silent and expect to just "get" things rather than enjoy them socially by interacting and talking about it and recognizing it like it even exists, probably rubbing in their blase, nonchalant, complacent, conceited, hoarding views.

I also realize that people said since the U.S. can't all move to the same European countries or whatever that we should say the U.S. is Europe.  They also started acting like they were "better," Americans.

Disapproval

It looks like Andre Rieu is still approved of and I was the one put on the spot and disapproved of, and I never did anything wrong.  I realize it's not the same.  It might be about as much pressure but without public exposure, I notice, though.  Like I say whoever these people are or whatever is causing this, they or whoever (or whatever) make a big statement and then nothing happens for a long time and they are always made to feel comfortable and look good.  I also don't answer to maybe I did something wrong by accident as a reason to go down.  I didn't do anything really wrong and if I did I would have fixed it.  I don't like how Dutch people criticize Andre Rieu, too.  It's not like they're "good enough" or have to "open their big mouth."  I don't see anything innately brilliant about their hoarding him.  Andre Rieu is not too different in some ways but is a lot nicer and has it together more than most people with his French and Dutch heritage or whatever if he has.  He does it, still.  There's nothing especially wrong with him compared to most people, and people's critique of his fame and how good he is along with how famous he is is also wrong and unnecessary but also out of control and dumb.  They don't even know how it relates to me or not.  Maybe, he uses me for more fame.  I know most people seemed listlessly sneaky thinking I would "still" get credit for being a good musician or something abstract.  I didn't get anything fun all that time!  I guess they forget he gets that, too.  So, it's like I don't get as much, and the question is why does it matter.  It's one of those questions that doesn't require figuring out an answer, maybe, or could be a waste of time compared to other things we could be doing, I'm sure.  Yea, I was bothered to be involved.  I forget the point, now, but there's that, one of the most complete statements I have ever made.  Oh, yea, since he's so good, the Dutch always coat themselves as perfect to look bad to fit in.  So, they take special measures for him but like his personality and theirs and others are all better than mine, like I care, like you have to create a business to be worth anything.  I said fine it's a great idea, but they keep hurting me about it.  Pretty soon, you better not be looking for any attractive people!...

Sucker

I don't like the way my dad got people not to communicate well with/about me, no matter what, compared to other people.

People who are not mean to me seem to avert me.  Either way, no one really talks to me much/well, in the end.

Whatever the problem is is not me.  I think other people gave in too easily to my dad or he really scared them that he would hurt me and maybe people would do other things.  That just means I'm the one who is fine as a person, not people who mis-communicate in my regard.

Ill Reputed

Why should I care what you feel my reputation is and how did it get that way? by my dad.

I noticed some Dutch males being influential while following Andre Rieu and his music people.  I just realized it's true they want to make sure I don't get attached to Andre Rieu and say it's because I'm Dutch but they are Dutch and they want to in lieu of that ... and then say I'm not okay being Dutch..  I guess you just have to look and see how precious their Indonesians are and how much Germany worships Japan.  There are people in every race and ethnicity who look undesirable or who are undesired, and popular for certain qualities and features.  The answer is it's wrong, then.  No need to say it's not a good reason why.

Overly/Especially Attractive Americans and Other Caucasians

Well, people do like motherly brunettes to nurture them mostly but not as much to be the most successful people in show-business.

It seems strange how not many people who are considered privileged to be attractive or just successful at it don't circulate being exposed as much, and when someone does it's like a blacklisting opportunity regarding other people who aren't overall worse than most others.  It happens like anything does socially and matters like anything.

I'm just not really happy I'm not one of them if that's the level it's at, but I don't complain about it and am just mad people pretend I do or want to.  Who wouldn't be that way, anyway? in their straight minds? or when their moms suck all their moral energy out of them? and leave none for anyone else somehow?

I don't even brag about being attractive in my thoughts, but I still want to try!  I think I did look alluring, but then no one cares because my mom is not American and then go mentally insane and say it's not fair then.  When I look fine, I look good.  I was very healthy sometimes, but my dad or someone always got in the way.  That's what I would say was hard work that made me look good, maybe not sparkly or bubbly.  I was a little short looking, but it's my legs that need to grow.  It seems unfair my lifestyle when I was young and impressionable and didn't know what to do exactly as much as I do now and am being prevented now from my last opportunity at life and being nurtured by older people eventually more, like something else is waiting to happen instead.

I just don't like how people want to make it their point to tell me people are just pretending I'm attractive in every way, maybe aren't as "good" looking like they might be more perverted but need to learn to not get jealous and accept I like them and how they look more than I do overall.  I do think I just never was exposed to the same people or treatment.

What's the hot and new Asian country after China and Japan?

Indonesia!

I found a credible source stating maybe Indonesians came from Asia like 10,000 years ago, and they came from Africa, supposedly it says, while Europe did come from the Middle East.. but you know it doesn't matter but might make some difference?  I don't know the status of Africans/Blacks and Jewish people..

So, it is like the miracle culture that is old Asia refined, to "Whites."  Wow, to be honest, they just get everything.  That's fine by me, but I thought I was included.  It grosses me out, on an individual level.  No racism allowed, I say, but I'm not violent to "racists."  I just don't want to be the negative one in the game or someone people sadly can't talk to..